I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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