God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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