I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She even gives head with a lisp.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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