hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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