yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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