I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
