McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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