Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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