Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
