I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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