I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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