I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
