Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
