dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Randomize
