You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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