haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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