you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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