"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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