Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
