he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
