Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
