After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
