I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
