Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
