Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Buhtt sex?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
