I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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