question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
