at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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