Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
