she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
