the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize