What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
