I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
