oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
