his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
