i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
