You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
a search helicopter?!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
