he shaved USA in his pubs
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
In America we eat man semen.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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