69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I need a beard to bite.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
