my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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