mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
