I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My balls are so social today.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
