eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
