i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
