Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
