Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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