highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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