I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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