My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
