I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
