my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
