He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
