i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
