fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize