puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
