Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
