Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
