i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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