oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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