In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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