It's Friday. Sex?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
