I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
