WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
