my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
how drunk are you?
Several
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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