Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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