And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
