I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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