i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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