Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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