I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
