It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got inside last night via doggy door
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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