oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I want a musical about memes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
