she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
