Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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