We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
