By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
