I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He passed out mid-signature
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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